Last months I have got really into watching Japanese rom-com animes, becoming a new hobby.
Their easy availability in streaming platforms, my passion and love for aspects of Japanese culture and its language, the beautiful drawings from the original mangas that most of this series come from, and very funny and touching scripts with a very clever use of cliffhangers that makes you evoke feelings of love, doubt, rejection and a time in life where everything was brighter and new to experience has caught my attention.
However, when I think objectively about many patterns repeated in most of the series and in most of the MCs characters, I often have to chuckle to myself. Yes, we know that they are not based on real life and it is fiction, but still some of the actions and topics in these series, when you think a few seconds objectively, are something that really would go under the basket of “things that are never gonna happen to you in your life”, at least from a male perspective.
So for my own amusement and entertainment, I am going to create a list of things that happen in Japanese rom-com anime that you will likely never see them happening in your life, not matter if in your teenage years or as an adult. All with humor and sarcasms, of course :) Here we go:
1. The hottest girl in school is not gonna end up with the loner antisocial loser
Yes, we need to state the obvious. In most of the rom-com series, the plot spins around one or several of the hottest and most popular chicks at school or workplace falling in love, pursuing and creating all kind of situations to spend time with the main male character who tends to be an antisocial guy with no friends, no social skills, nerdy tastes of videogames and 0 experience with girls. Let’s get real, a lot of these scripts are made to fulfill the fantasies of wankers but in real life, you know that girl would end up hooking with the handsome sporty guy or the bad boy from school and will never make an effort to spend time with the nerd. Sorry to break your dreams mate.
2. Japanese teenagers live alone most of the time and have amazing cooking skills
Another recurrent topic that you need to laugh at. Magically, people of 16, 17 or 18 years old invite their classmates to their house and the family is never there, they live alone or spend a lot of time alone and even most surprisingly, usually one of the main characters has amazing cooking skills that would place them as competitors in Masterchef :) I remember my teenage years in Spain where my parents would never literally leave the house alone and we were too poor to pay a hotel. The only place to hook up intimately with a girl would be to try to find a secluded spot in a dark park or go to park somewhere for those who own a car… But if you are Japanese, do not worry, you have your bachelor den always ready for you :)
3. You randomly meet your crush anywhere in the city
I do not know if you are aware that Japanese cities are some of the biggest and most populated in the world. For example Tokyo and sorrounding areas account for 37 million population. If you would try to meet a friend in the centre of Tokyo with no phone and no way to contact to agree a meeting, most probably you would never ever cross paths in all your life. However, these high schoolers meet by chance their love interests everywhere outside the school. It can be at a library, a cofee shop, a convenience store, a super crowded festival, in the middle of Akihabara district… The city is in your pocket when is about creating some drama situations
4. Japanese people must be very weak because they faint all the time when sick
No good rom-com series skips an episode when one of the main characters is sick and their love interest shows up to take care of them with medicines, cooking and affection. The funny thing is that what is an usual cold or a flu is depicted as almost a life threatening sickness. The characters feint, daydream, forget everything that happens, they cannot even stand up straight… You would think that they have a terminal illness. Magically the power of love makes them recover back to life in no time.
5. Boys are so self controlled and not dominated by their hormones
Most of the rom-com characters are in teenage years, with little or 0 sexual experience. Usually they have never held hands with a girl or kissed or even hold a long conversation with girls. In many scenes, the hottest girl of school insinuates sexually, sits on their lap, openly ask the to lose the virginity with them, kiss them, touch them… and these boys nervously always rejects them. Like, can you imagine in real life when you are in the most horny period of your life, where just touching a hand can provoke you an erection, with the hottest chick in town half naked sitting stranding you, asking to be taken…and you would graciously reject it? Yeah, that might happen, when the pigs fly…
6. Believe it or not, girls do not go half naked to school.
Gosh, if you would see many of the outfits of the main female characters in high school, you would think that they go to record an adult movie scene instead of learning maths. Mini skirts that hardly cover the panties, huge cleaveage showing, sexy stockings… But no my dear wankers, actually most Japanese schools have very strick rules for dress code, with the skirt having to cover most of the legs, not mentioning that things like earrings or even dying your hair color is not permitted. We will leave the sexy maid and college uniforms for other private moments…
7. When there is a festival, something is about to happen
Yeah, every time there is an episode about Christmas party, a fireworks festival or the culture/sports festival at school, be ready because some major development and confession might happens. I guess that you need to wait one or two years to confess until these big events take place. The girl usually needs to wear a yukata of course, and eat a lot of food from the stalls. If not, love will not be fed.
8. Boys do not understand anything
Yeah yeah, it is true many of us could have been sometimes oblivious to understanding when a girl liked us. It is true that sometimes we men can be very thick in these things. But everything has a limit, I mean, when you have a girl who hugs you, kisses you, finds any excuse to spend time alone with you, asks you if you like her, gets jealous for any interaction you might do with other girls, shows almost naked just for you, calls you on the phone or texts you for hours… I might imagine that even the most inexperienced stupid boy in the world might think that the girl likes him, instead of “no no no no, this cannot be possible, she is thinking only of me as a friend”. I think that literally they could insert their penis inside them and for the first 2 minutes these characters would still think that is a big misunderstanding and self deprecate themselves.